I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
