I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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