what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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