After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
