'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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