I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
