I am midnight drunk by noon
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
