forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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