You just made me feel so damn special
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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