Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
