i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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