you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
