her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
