I'm jealous of your bromance
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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