he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Drunk is not a location!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
