I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
