I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
