Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize