sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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