I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
