Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
