I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
