have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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