Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
