when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
