I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize