i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
