You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
