it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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