just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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