your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
