he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
