College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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