Apparently you make a good broom.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize