i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
