I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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