I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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