i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
