no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
