Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
