i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
