why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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