wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
