guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
