How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
