i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize