In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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