When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize