I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
