my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
