Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
