Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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