if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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