i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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