I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You are a genius and a whore.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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