I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
