So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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