therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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