my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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