when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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