life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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