Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I look better un-naked...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
