flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
