I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
