Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
