party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
well you can't waste a boner
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
