How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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