Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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